In ‘Self-portrait with my dog’ I am seated in my kitchen, caught between presence and absence. Drinking wine to forget and holding rosemary to remember. This painting emerges from a deeply personal moment following the sudden death of my brother. It reflects the stillness and altered realism that followed.
In this soft and otherworldly scene, there is a painting within the painting of me and my son, mourning also the loss of joy I had for life within my own family unit before, stunted by this death. Whilst painting myself, I unconsciously emulated the drawing style of my late Scottish father, allowing his hand to echo through my own, holding his presence within this work and this moment.
My dog appears as both a constant comfort and anchor, a quiet reminder of the living world amongst fragments of distorted reality.
The phrase ‘Wild Women Don’t Get the Blues,’ from a song by Mitski, is full of irony and reflects the dissonance between the social expectations of resilience and the lived reality of grief. The peach tree visible through the window, referenced in the song, is inspired by medieval allegory, a common theme within my work to link the enduring narratives of family and loss to the past.
Through this painting, I seek to create a contemplative space where personal loss can be held within a broader, symbolic framework, allowing viewers to locate their own experiences within it.
- the artist